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wasting a terrible thing

by devon vixil

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louisethefurry
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Dexter Basson
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about

for a long time now, i've worried. eventually, this started overtaking other things in my life. emotions, loves, passions. i've felt nothing but worry and fear about things that aren't as bad as i make them out to be in my head for what seems like an eternity. it has exhausted me and i have grown weaker as a result. emotions i thought i felt were merely superficial, and worry would always come back. the pain of worrying took over every aspect of my life.

then i saw true beauty, unabated by anything anyone could have done. and i was happy. i was content. until it came back later in the day.

i felt emotion again and it reminded me of that which i was missing for so long, something i forgot i was capable of feeling. i had forgotten my own humanity in worrying about continuing to survive another day. in my worry, i forgot how to live.

on the way home tonight, i broke down and cried. it was a sadness i wanted to feel for a year and a half, but could not no matter how hard i tried. it was the sadness that i could no longer express when watching sad movies, listening to sad music. it was a sadness i could not express when people died. when my idols began to die.

this piece is apropos of nothing, but it need to be out. if nothing else, it will remind me of what i lost, so that i can fight to keep it that much more. it will remind me of what made me lose it, so i can maintain control and not lose my essence to a weak, simpering shell of a person, who couldn't stop thinking about the little pains that can be fixed in due time.

i will fight to keep going, not just to survive, but to live.

it is never as bad as it seems.

credits

released August 23, 2017
i did this. various aliases can be heard. but this is me. see if you can figure out who did what.



thanks to everybody online and off. without you, i don't know where i'd be. i may not say it often, but i truly enjoy whenever you're around. even when i was feeling down or tired, i was always grateful to have you around, and i'm always happy to see and talk with every one of you. you are my friends and family, and i could not ask for anyone better. i love you all. <3

XX-XXX

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DJ Vee Sevierville, Tennessee

Electronic music producer from Tennessee! I produce under many aliases. Collect them all!

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